from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
