oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
