After last night, I could never be a politician.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
