i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize