I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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