It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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