Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
