He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
