PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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