There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
