I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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