i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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