I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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