My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize