just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
