Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Two words: nipple clamps
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