i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Randomize
