That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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