Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up

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(410): View more from Maryland

A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.

(410): View more from Maryland

and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm

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(646): View more from New York

This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie

(347): View more from New York

It's not

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls

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(415): View more from California

The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now

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(443): View more from Maryland

I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..

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(727): View more from Florida

Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?

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