Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
