Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
