does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
