I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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