Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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