I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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