4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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