So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
