cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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