She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Less talking, more tequila
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
