You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
