he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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