You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize