4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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