She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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