If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
