video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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