we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
