No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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