and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
