the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I see more hoeing in ur future
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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