make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
