currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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