Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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