Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
