We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
