Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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