I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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