How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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