I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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