**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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