i permit you to call me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
