He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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