I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
