I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
