where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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