drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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