First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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