I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
