I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
