That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i drank out of a bidet.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
