Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
