New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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